A TLC Publication Volume 1, Issue 11 May 19, 1999

Doggin it!

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town, which he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote, "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"

An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel, and if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too!"

One day a man came home from work and was greeted by his wife. She told that she has good news and that she had bad news.

He said, "Well, give me the good news first."

She said, "The good news is that the air bag works."

Following the trend of mergers within the automobile industry, rumor has it that Ford has sold the rights to the nameplate, Comet to Volvo. The compact car has been tentatively been named, Vomit.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

Hello, Welcome To The "Psychiatric Hotline"

If you are Obsessive-Compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are Co-Dependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have Multiple Personalities, press 3,4,5, and 6.

If you are Paranoid-Delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line while we trace your call.

If you are Schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.

WHEN MY three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased.

I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?"

Mom smiled and then replied...."I remember."

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.