A TLC Publication Volume 1, Issue 12 May 26, 1999

He is the only man who has never been compared to the man she could have married.

He had no in-laws to drop in.

There were no Jones for him to keep up with.

There were no credit cards OR shopping centers.

He never had his dinner interrupted by window salesmen.

He got away with wearing a simple wardrobe.

He never had to shovel snow!

If he had gone bald, who would have known that wasn't normal.

There was no "standard weight and height" tables - and the word FAT meant good.

When God asked "Adam, where are you?" He replied, "The woman you gave me was reading the map."

Judi goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss concerned about all his employees well being asked sympathetically, "What's the matter?"

To which the blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

The boss feeling very sorry at this point explains to the young girl. "Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy just take the day off to relax and rest."

Judi very calmly states, "No.. I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows her to work as usual... "If you need anything just let me know."

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on Judi. He looks out his office and sees her crying hysterically. He rushes out to her asking, "What's so bad now? Are you going to be OK? What's wrong?"

Judi breaks down in tears, "I just received a horrible call from my sister. She said that *her* mom died too!"

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

Q: How do you get a U of Texas grad off your front porch? A: Pay him for the pizza