A TLC Publication Volume 1, Issue 13 June 2, 1999

Views on Aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids?

If you're less than ten years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. "How old are you?" "I'm four and a half."

You're never 36 and a half ....you're four and a half going on 5.

You get into your teens; now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number. "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16." You could be 12, but you're gonna be 16. Eventually.

Then the great day of your life; you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. You BECOME 21....Yes!!

Then you turn 30. What happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED; we had to throw him out. What's wrong? What changed?

You BECOME 21; you TURN 30.

Then you're PUSHING 40.... stay over there. You REACH 50.

You BECOME 21; you TURN 30; You're PUSHING 40; you REACH 50; then you MAKE IT to 60. By then you've built up so much speed, you HIT 70.

After that, it's a day by day thing. You HIT Wednesday... You get into your 80's; you HIT lunch, you HIT 4:30.

My Grandmother won't even buy green bananas. "Well, it's an investment, you know, and maybe a bad one."

And it doesn't end there.... Into the 90's, you start going backwards. "I was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens; if you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half."

Happy aging!

A man came home and found his house on fire, rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here. My house is on fire!"

"OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?"

"Don't you still have those big red trucks?"

Why buy a product that takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

An old man met an old lady, and they fell in love. One day, the old man gathered up all his courage and asked the old lady to marry him. She said "YES."

When the old man got home, he remembered asking the old lady to marry him, but he couldn't remember whether she had said "YES" or "NO." Rather embarrassed that he had forgotten, he never mentioned marriage to

her again.

After a few weeks, it bothered the old man so much that he gathered up enough courage to ask the old lady what was the answer she gave when he asked her to marry him.

The old lady shouted with glee and said, "I'm so glad you asked! Some man asked me to marry him a few weeks ago, and I said "YES," but I couldn't remember who it was that asked me!"

Did ya ever wonder about those people who claim to be suffering from inferiority complexes? Maybe they don't have a complex at all -- maybe they really are inferior!

If Sondra Locke married Elliott Ness, then divorced him to marry Herman Munster, she'd become Sondra Locke Ness Munster.

Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not adoor?