Watson!

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal a bottle of wine, and smoke around the campfire, they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"Sir," Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

"And what does that tell you?" pursued Holmes.

Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Silent for a moment, Holmes replied: "Watson, someone has stolen our tent!"

Did you hear about the tragedy in Poland? In Poland's largest shopping mall, there was a terrible power outage. People were stuck on the escalators for 4 hours.

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed,"What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him."

"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment.

The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Three friends--an Irishman, an Italian and a Polish fellow were walking past their favorite bar. They noticed a new sign in the window, which read, "Free drink to anyone who can name a drink I can't make" signed Joe, the bartender.

Well, they couldn't pass up an opportunity for a free drink---so the Irishman goes in and says, "Joe, I'll have an IW please."

The old bartender says, "Sure enough Mr. O'Reilly, I'll get you your Irish whiskey!" So O'Reilly pays for his drink and goes out and tells the Italian that Joe had outsmarted him.

"I'll give him one he won't know," said the Italian. So he goes in and says, "Joe, I'll have an IWW."

"OK Mr. Garibaldi, I'll get you your Italian white wine!" said Joe. So, the Italian pays for his drink and goes out and tells his Polish friend that Joe had outsmarted him too.

So the Polish guy goes in and says, "I'll have a 13." Joe looks and him in disbelief saying, "Well, Mr. Dumkowski, I guess I owe you a free one---what is a 13 anyway?"

Dumkowski says, "You should have figured that one out---it's a 7 and 7.