A TLC Publication Volume 1, Issue 8 April 28, 1999

The kindergarten teacher was showing her class an encyclopedia page picturing several national flags. She pointed to the American flag and asked, "What flag is this?" A little girl called out, "That's the flag of our country." "Very good," the teacher said. "And what is the name of our country?" 'Tis of thee," the girl said confidently.

After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was that?"

"May all who love the Lord, love you. And those who don't love you, may the Lord give them a limp so you can see them coming."

Before criticizing someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticize them, you will be a mile away and have their shoes.

During World War II, the captured Allied agents of Stalag 15 were attempting yet another daring prison break. Prisoners Major O'Rourke and Lieutenant Flanagan had planned for months to acquire two steel files and now finally possessed them! On this particular night, they had chosen to try to cut their way through the bars of the East gate.

Stealthily they slithered to the gate with perfect timing so the guard was not near. They were hard at work when the siren sounded, and the floodlights caught them in the act. As the German officer led them away, O'Rourke said, "We were so careful. How did you ever catch us?" The German replied, "Sorry for you, but I can always tell when Irish spies are filing."

This guy goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. There he sees a parrot with a red string tied to its left leg and a green string tied to it's right leg. He asks the owner the significance of the strings.

"Well, this is a highly trained parrot. If you pull the red string he speaks French; if you pull the green string he speaks German," replies the shop keeper.

"And what happens if I pull both the strings?" our curious shopper inquires.

"I fall off my perch you fool!!" screeches the parrot.

"Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend; inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." -- Groucho Marx